He's still not heeeeerrrrreeee!!!!

I have had this feeling of wanting to cry for about a week now..and I just keep holding it back. I talked with my friend C last night and she was telling me about her fight with her daughter and for her own life and I thought about how insignificant my stressors were compared to hers. I was sharing mine with her..and I said there was nothing to cry about though.....There it was...I realized I was comparing my life to someone elses again. Why should I cry, my life is good, I have a car, a job, food, and clothes...what is to cry about. Who cares, if I want to cry I can cry! It's my life! but I still could not figure out what I was so sad about...I have been just plain sad...we laughed...

I looked at the calendar today...a year...our last dance with lil brother Dan...I should have realized it as soon as I started putting out the Red, White and Blue decorations. I don't think my eyes would let my heart see what I was doing. My head is just starting to realize what my heart doesn't want to know...not going to be an easy summer...July..

So many changes, but ...